How dreadful.

A.V. Club’s post about the 24 Sexual Things R. Kelly Wants almost completely deads the notion that he is a musical genius but the his freaky fans will appreciate his tongue word play. Check out my fav quotables from The Pied Piper ’s new mixtape under the jump.

• For haters to get fucked with a sandpaper dick (“Best I Ever Had”)

• To have you scream “It hurts, it hurts!” then have you concede that his lovemaking quenches your thirst, your thirst (“Birthday Sex”)

• To make the p-u-s-s-y cry (“P.U.S.S.Y. Cry”)

• To have them bitches that are hating on you rubbing on you (“Every Girl”)

• To hit you with super-love so pleasing it’s better than any TV show, better even than HBO, so good he’ll get thumbs-up when he goes low (“Supa Dupa Man”)

• For you to get on his lap and go-go, since the rearview mirror is saying no po-po (“Makin’ Me Wanna”)

• To fuck every girl he sees, from the hood to the fucking industry, even the Statue of Liberty (“Every Girl”)

• To eat the coochie of all the girls wearing Gucci (“Every Girl”)