Heaven I need a hug. Times like this I feel completely inadequate and unqualified to be a distributor of fuckery. I can’t believe I almost let this one slip past!

Paula Abdul’s performance of her new song “Here Just For The Music” on American Idol this past week was nothing short of illustrious. The overtly terrible lip-syncing, awkward choreography, and my own burning desire for her to topple off stage and completely bust her shit made my soul sore to new heights. And the deep breathing at the end, oh the deep breathing. Astounding! I sound the same way when I vacuum out my car on a hot day.