Got somebody to call while you wait on that FEMA check? Have no fear, the gubment is here!

The SafeLink Wireless service provides eligible low-income households a free cell phone, mobile access to emergency services and free 68 minutes of air time, monthly, for one year.

You know what that means, your cousins will participate in fraudulent behavior to get-get-get it!

The cell phone offers in-demand features: voicemail, text, call waiting, international calling to over 60 destinations and caller ID.

I understand times are rough for everybody [self included, I had to cut back on wigs] but no good can possibly come out of this! Your cousins will undoubtedly abuse this . . . I can feel it in my spirit.

Just let me know when the gubment starts handing out free WiFi cards.