Jared submitted this glorious textbook example of the “you still breathing over there?” side-eye. I gave this exact side-eye to one of my substitute teachers from elementary school when I saw her wobbling up an aisle in K-Mart at an after Christmas sale last year.

That lady had to be at least 217 years old when I was in elementary school. I’m a grown woman now and she is still kicking? Something in the milk ain’t clean! Her ass is sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber.