Archive for November, 2005

K.Fed’s = Vanilla Ice

K. Fed Wants You To Know That He’s Not Your Uncle, Or Your Cousin. He’s Daddy, Dude.

Thank God for the internet and the virtual marketing, for some fool made the mistake of “leaking” a good minute of what can only be called, the sound of reeking garbage (link via Notes From A Different Kitchen). What’s crazier is I have listened to this over 100 times. Once I stopped my ears from bleeding and picked up my jaw from the floor because the cat tripped over my lip, I knew for sure that the world had gone mad. I shuddered, cause all this fool had to do was whisper “I love you” to Britney, put it on her and deposit his demon seed into her womb. Now that the transformation is complete - - we must all succumb to his music. Is that really all it takes? I need to get a better outlook on life. . . This working 9 to 5 shit to pay the rent just aint cuttin’ it. And to think, someone let him walk out of the studio with this mess in his hand! Someone said “Kev- boy, that shit is off the HOOK!” What he don’t know is that they are laughing hysterically behind his back. Well, let the C&D readers laugh right in yo’ face! Kev-Boo, someone’s done steered you wrong and I have a sneakin’ feeling I know who . . . Apparently, you have no friends - - cause someone was in the studio - - I’m sure high, hyping this to the outer limits. They told you it was a Neptunes beat, honey it sound like a Saturn. The song is called “Y’all Ain’t Ready” and you know what Kev you’re right, we’re aren’t. So why don’t you crawl back under the rock you came from in the Valley, take out them braids, pull up your pants and get a real job like parking cars or working at the DMV. On the other hand, just continue to spend Britney’s money. It is what you do. Well.

By the way Kevin, you are NOT THE FATHER!

Hoe Sit Down!

hoesitdown

Notice: Please take some time out to visit BH and download the borderline ignant tune “Hoe Sit Down” before you read the following.
I honestly had every single intention of not doing a post at all today. I decided earlier this morning that I was going to download some music, catch upon some of my personal favorite sites, and finally sort through my email. And then I came across this fuckin’ brilliant post by my chica Es over at Beautiful Hustle. Her entry gave me inspiration to open up Notepad and get busy. So yes I ripped off this idea but unlike most cyber cats I give full 100 percent credit for doing so (if you’re feeling salty right now than you’re probably guilty). So let’s go!

T.Error Mari

T.Error Mari is one of the many reasons that my 13 year old cousin’s sex life is jumping off more than mine. The first time I saw her Ashanti-dance across my tv screen I almost instantly knew that I was not feeling this little girl. I don’t know about ya’ll but when I was 17 years old I was hosting pep rallies, rapping on the back of the bus, burning cd’s to slang at school and trying to cram for exams. The last thing I was ever concerned with was telling “a nigga when to call me” because I was too damn busy. But I guess all of that would made me lame in some of the eyes of my fellow classmates who were on that T.Error Mari tip. I graduated and didn’t have two kids by the time of my 19th birthday from a boy trying to play man who made me feel real good. Half of my life I my Pop’s was absent from the picture and I didn’t go wild. Bitch please. I mean just look. This poor child is so confused she forgot that she had a nail missing when she came on the set for her photo shoot. Hoe sit down!

Eva Longoria

For about three months I was totally oblivious to “Desperate Housewives” debut on ABC. I was too consumed with school and work to actually sit down and watch anything on television. But as soon as I came back home my television screen was straight bombarded with images of those bitches from Wisteria Lane. But one of them stood out a little more than the others. Can anyone tell me what’s so special about this broad? She has the body of an 11 year old boy and a face that screams Fivel (yeah that Fivel). Plus she got them DMX / Ja Rule crackhead bottom teeth. Tramp had the nerve to get salty about not getting nominated for an Emmy. After slutting around Hollywood for a couple of months she now apparently has Tony Parker pussy whipped. I’m happy for both of them, really I am. *sarcasm* I just don’t think I have to be subjected to their public displays of affection everytime I turn on my fucking television. Hoe sit down!

Bobby Valentino

A couple of days ago I was conversing with Will about my utter distaste for Bobby V. Other than the fact that he makes terrible ass music (literally, all this little fuck sings about is booty) I have a couple of homies who went to Clark with him who had me crying about how he used to get clowned around campus. This is before his “blew up” (if you want to call it that) and signed with DTP. Folks used to call his cell phone singing “Blackberry Molasses” just to fuck with him. I could sit here and type a couple more stories but let’s just leave it at that one. Thank God for Luda because they had that nigga runnin laps around campus. I’m a relatively short chick (I’m a whopping 5′3″) and I honestly think I could fight this nigga and win. Hoe sit down!

Lil’ Romeo

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t like Lil’ Romeo for the pure fact that he is the offspring of Percy Miller. But the reasons for my dislike doesn’t stop there. This morning I decided to bite the bullet and watch the tragedy that is “106 and Park”. Romeo came through to premiere his new video called “Cutt” which is a watered down version of the song I Can Tell You Wanna Fuck” by the 504 Boyz (the only reason that I know about this song is because I have a cousin who used to blast it in the car when we would parking lot pimp after the club, just ignant). I couldn’t believe my eyes or ears. The same lil’ nigga who has a show on Nickelodeon my eight year old cousin watches religiously is trying to give me tips on how to get my stroke on? Fukouttahea. Hoe sit down!

Honorable Mentions

Melyssa Ford: She wouldn’t have never made this list if it weren’t for her lil’ siddity act at the pre-show for “BET 25 Strong.” Last night I while I was channel surfing I saw her in a commercial for “sexy text chat.” Blah.

J-Nicks (the new host of “Rap City”) : Who are you and where did you come from?

Pastor Troy : This is the only nigga I know other than Lil’ Scrappy who who gets beat the hell up in the club off his own record. My people in Augusta, Georgia already know.

My Mini Me : You will never do it like I. Point.Blank.Period.

Charlie Wilson : You’re too old to be told.

People Who Wear A Bathing Ape Gear like the shit new, ha!

So you do you want to tell to sit down to? Holla back.

Bet On Black

A Quarter of a Century Worth of Mess

In the pre-show for the “BET 25 Years Strong” ceremony comedian Tony Rock asked gospel entertainer Donnie Mc Clurklin would Jesus watch BET. My answer to that question would have be “hell to the nah!” I could write a long drawn out commentary about the show’s events but to be honest with you I don’t think its worth the effort. I’m not dealing with BET todaaay. [/Whitney]

Thoughts anyone? Holla Back.

Edit: Okay so I lied. I did end up giving my thoughts about the show. Check the comments.

Freshly Squeezed

- What better night to ignite a feud than Halloween? Rapper Ice-T tossed scary insults and even a threat at reality-TV she-devil Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth during Heidi Klum’s ghoulish gala. “I’ll tell you who I don’t like: Omarosa,” the “Law & Order: SVU” star told Lowdown as he sat upstairs at nightspot Happy Valley in - what else? - pimp regalia. “That b- is not supposed to be famous. Being somebody in the business, you have a lot of admiration for people because you know how hard they work. But certain people, you’re just like, what the f- has that ho done?” Informed that there are probably plenty of folks who agree with him, Ice - whose real name is Tracy Marrow - added ominously: “Yeah, well, I’m at the top of the list. Give me the gun.” Not exactly a breezy comment, coming from an ex-gangster. In his hip-hop days, Ice wrote the controversial song “Cop Killer” and famously ran with the Crips. What if he and Lady O were to, um, settle their differences in the sack?
“I wouldn’t wish that on a zombie,” Ice-T replied stonily, rubbing the fishnet-stocking-clad leg of his generously endowed wife, Nicole (Coco) Austin. Informed of Ice-T’s attack yesterday, Omarosa immediately took the gloves off. “Tracy sold out his rap career to go play a cop on a show because his last album tanked,” the “Surreal Life” and “Apprentice” alum told Lowdown, adding that she’s never even met the man. “You’re supposed to be hard-core, rapping about killing and pimpin’ hos, and you go and play a cop? He sold out!” Omarosa continued. “Real hip-hop artists - the ones that are true to the art form - do not resort to playa hating.”


The only thing I appreciate about this picture is Ice’s Tony Montana inspired piece.

- Rapper 50 Cent has lashed out at fellow hip-hop star Kanye West for accusing US President George W. Bush of racism in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. The In Da Cliub star believes human intervention could not have prevented the effects of the hurricane, which killed over a thousand people in the US gulf states in August (05), and sees no point in reprimanding the President for something which was beyond his control. He says, “The New Orleans disaster was meant to happen. It was an act of God. “I think people responded to it the best way they can. What Kanye West was saying, I don’t know where that came from.” (Contact Music via BC)


- Beyonce made a splash on social calendars in New York City when she performed at Cipriani’s Downtown last night to a star studded crowd which included Sting, Venus Williams (from whom I have no words for) and Kimora Lee Simmons. Is it me or does Bey kinda put you in the mind frame of one of those “The Price Is Right” models who smile really hard while they hold a bottle of ketchup? As always Gettyimages has you covered with flicks from the press area. You can also take a glimpse of B on stage over at Beyonce World. I like this picture the best. It looks like she is stroking her nipple thinking about how much she loves that chicken from Popeye’s, heh.

- Ashanti looks like she is doing the “crazy in love” dance in this flick. You know they say, if you can’t beat ‘em you might as well join ‘em.

- Tyra Banks looks like she’s either just having a lot of fun or plain ol’ drunk. She always seems to have the signature Rachel Roy “I’m-so-happy” face on so you can never be too sure. And yes that is America’s favorite bubble gum rapper Nick Cannon appearing at her side.

Buzz Notes

Freshly Squeezed

- A federal jury in Los Angeles on Monday convicted Ron Isley of five counts of tax evasion and one count of willful failure to file a tax return. Isley faces up to 26 years in prison for the tax dodging at his sentencing Jan. 9. Jurors deliberated for a day and a half before rendering their verdict in the trial, which stretched over three weeks. The panel was apparently swayed by a steady stream of prosecution evidence that included documents showing “It’s Your Thing” singer hiding homes and a yacht under the name of his former wife and cashing royalty checks belonging to his late brother, O’Kelly Isley.

During the trial, IRS officials said Isley tried to further avoid taxes by asking to be paid in only cash for performances between 1997 and 2002–amounts that added up to around $12 million, per California’s CNS News Service. The IRS also claimed Isley bought personal cars using a business account and paid band members in cash to keep transactions off the books. The Ohio native was indicted in October 2004. He entered a not guilty plea in January. Isley, who suffered a minor stroke last summer, remains best known for his smooth vocals that have graced Isley Brothers hits for the better part of 40 years.


Damn! I wonder if his grandchild wife is going to hold him down. Probably not.

- Vivica A. Mess needs to stop this madness.

- I need you! Read the side panel for more information on “The Freshest Week Ever.”

- Many may remember Nicole Wray from her Gold Mind days when she was kicking it with Missy and Timbaland. Nicole then signed with Roc-A-Fella around the same time Dame decided to give 500 unemployed innercity negras record deals. Since then she has gone on to become a certified mess. I’m loving the fact that shit is rocking a Sizzurp sweater. Dip Set CEO Jim Jones must’ve given it to her as an early Christmas gift or something. And where is this at? This press area looks rather shitty.

- Gabrielle Union and Chris Howard are announcing they have separated after four years of marriage. While Snoop and Shante celebrated her birthday recently. Snoop looked like he was smoking that presidential shit, John Kerry.

- Don’t forget to tune into BET tonight - - this should be really interesting.

- And just for the hell of it .

Whitney: Caption This

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