Archive for August, 2005

Fresh Outlook

Posted by Fresh on August 16, 2005

Fresh Outlook Editorial : Joe Jackson Should Write A Guide For Raising Kids For White Parents

As I surfed through the channels for some entertaining television last night, a commercial for MTV’s reality show My Super Sweet 16 came on. My Super Sweet 16 goes behind the scenes to expose all the brat-sessions and un-needed drama that comes along with the big party. I’ve been (un)fortunate to have seen episodes from previous seasons so I have a pretty good idea of the show’s premise. They’re rich, bitch. And they are not afraid to show it by having a big over-the-top celebration. Now I’m not knocking parents for wanting to make this moment in their daughter’s life memorable but why would you allow them to talk shit to you? Are you out of your mind? These spoiled brats are spending the money you go to work for white people. While the 30 second spot for the show ran on, some little dumpy mixed child tells her mother to shut up. A definite eyebrow raiser in my opinion until the camera cuts to her white mother. Big effin’ surprise here.

This would’ve never happened in Joe Jackson’s house.

Thats yet another thing that separates “us” from “them”. You know what happened to me the last time I told my mother to shut up? I got my chin checked in the drive-thru at Hardee’s. I’m not advocating a full out abuse session every time your child is disrespectful but in the words of Nettie from The Color Purple, ‘you gotta let ‘em know who got the upper hand’. Upper pimp hand that is!

Fuck time out; take some time out to beat their ass.

Another show that pisses me off royally is Brat Camp. “Brat Camp takes place at SageWalk, The Wilderness School — a therapeutic wilderness program in Oregon that serves as an intense intervention program for troubled teens between the ages of 13 and 17 who may be experiencing emotional, academic, and/or behavioral problems.” Come on white people, please don’t be so naive to think that a campfire and male bounding is going to solve all of the problems these lil’ sons of bitches have. If you would’ve stole on ‘em a couple of times while they were kids you wouldn’t have this problem anyway.

So next time your 5 year old is spazzing out at Wal-Mart just clothesline ‘em.

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Mr. And Mrs. Smith

Posted by Fresh on August 16, 2005

Mr. And Mrs. Smith

click to enlarge

Why does Will look like Ricky Williams? Why is Jada scaring the white people at Ozzfest? What the fuck is up?

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SexyPrisoners.Com = Ignant

Posted by Fresh on August 14, 2005

SexyPrisoners.Com = Ignant
Last night I couldn’t fall asleep after a long night of watching movies so I decided to pick up an old issue of XXL. As I scanned through the articles my fingers hurried to the back of the magazine. I love reading the ads in the back of XXL because its so ignant. It’s this one internet chick who has an ad that appears in almost every issues who accepts cash, checks, money orders, cashier’s checks, AND fucking food stamps as collateral for her services. I bullshit you not people. The bad thing about it is, she looks like a man. Somebody get that trick a plastic surgeon ASAP because dude, WTF? You can kick a field goal between her tits.

Anyways, I came across a ad for SexyPrisoners.com. I thought yo myself “this shit can’t be real. They got the internet in jail? No wonder people keep going back in”. So todayI decided to check the site out for myself. When I came across the splash page it read this:

The listing is in alfabetacle order, you will be seeing the last name first for easy referance.

Someone needs to email the webmaster and tell them they need to stop. And do you see the advertisement banner? Yeah right, that bitch ain’t find a man through this site. Come on now.

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You Like Me, You Really Like Me

Posted by Fresh on August 13, 2005

You Like Me, You Really Like Me

This is just a quick post to show love to Mr. Kamoji (and no its not a Japanese steak house) for naming C&D site of the week! This is a first for me so I would like to thank all the small bitches I had to step on to get here. I love you all! I would also like to take this time out to shout out Inciting A Riot. So if you’re sleeping then wake your ass up! Donovan covers everything from Throwing Up Fatty Koo to taking the time out to breakdown Beyonce’s carbon copy, Rhianna. Here are a few entries to wet your palette.

The (Child Molestation) Scream IV Tour
Who Is This Dude?
The Crackhouse of Fatty Koo
Pon De Replay of Beyonce

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Relationship Buzz

Posted by Fresh on August 13, 2005

Relationship Buzz

Mr. And Mrs. Graham?

Tying the knot. Not. After 19 years together, Oprah and perma-fiance Stedman Graham may be calling it quits. A friend of the talk-show queen tells Star the sizzle is gone for the couple, and that their faded romance pales compared to Oprah’s bond with her longtime best friend Gayle King. “Oprah says she’s miserable 9 times out of 10 when she’s with Stedman,” according to the mag’s source. “She enjoys hanging out with Gayle more as they have more fun and a better connection.” If things are really that bleak, In Touch certainly hasn’t caught wind of it. They report that Oprah recently bought a $70,000 Gianfranco Ferre wedding gown and has been showing off the handmade silk gown to friends but hasn’t shown it to Graham, “just to be on the safe side.” They say Oprah may surprise everyone by finally going through with it and marrying Stedman.

I’ve been waiting to use these pictures of this midget from ‘Bang Bus’ (porn) forever. Notice the striking similarities folks. I think Oprah and Gayle may be some DL sisters. Ha. Remember your spirit.

Serena Dumps The White Boy

Serena Williams’ romance with Brett Ratner has come to an abrupt end after the director spent a week partying in New York with Sean ‘P. Diddy’ Combs, Jay-Z and Jermaine Dupri. The pair had been enjoying a low-key relationship for quite some time, but tennis ace Williams became increasingly frustrated with Ratner always being away from her. So after meeting up with Ratner at April’s Delray Beach, Florida, FedCup tennis match between her sister Venus and German player Els Callens, Williams inquired about what he’d been doing in the Big Apple for a week, prompting the answer, “I was hanging out with Puffy, Jay-Z and JD, Jermaine Dupri… Give me some love. Show me that you care.” After becoming agitated with the filmmaker’s constant attempts at getting affection, Williams blasted, “I’ve been home for three weeks and I’ve asked you nicely and kindly not to come for [just] 24 hours. You come on Saturday and you leave on Sunday and I’m sorry but that’s just not good enough for me. I’m very sorry…“I don’t wanna be [your girlfriend]. I wanna see other people… We don’t have a relationship. It’s too bad things didn’t work out between us.”Acknowledging the presence of cameras - shooting footage for the Williams sisters’ new reality show Venus & Serena: For Real - Ratner asked, “Is this the break-up episode?” His attempts to kiss her again for a “Nick [Lachey] and Jessica [Simpson] moment” were blocked by Williams, who had at least one happy memory from that afternoon–her sister won the match.

I’m feeling Brett with this one. This is so ‘break-up episode’ for a show no one is watching. 30 minutes of bad weaves and amazon women? I’ll pass . . .

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Buzz Notes Quickie

Posted by Fresh on August 12, 2005

Buzz Notes Quickie


Shar Jackson Looks To’ Da Fuck Up
First she comes to her daughter’s birthday party looking like she just escape from rehab now this. Why in the blue fuck would you wear a shirt that says ‘ugly’ on it? Maybe I preserve my sexy too damn much for my own good but this is ridiculous. Somewhere Quentin and Britney are laughing.

Pharrell Is The Best Dressed Man in the World
Esquire magazine’s second annual list of the Best Dressed Men in the World is headed this year by hip-hop hit-maker Pharrell Williams of the Grammy-winning production duo The Neptunes. Other negroids who round out the top ten list are Jay-Z (#10), Andre 3000 (#5), and Kanye West (#3).

And By The Way. . .
If I ever become HIV positive, I want to look like Magic Johnson. He is the only person I know who is HIV positive and gains about seven pounds every year. I betcha Cookie still hits it.

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LisaRaye Finally Gets A Sugardaddy Fo’ Life!

Posted by Fresh on August 12, 2005

‘Diamond’ Finally Gets A Sugardaddy Fo’ Life

On the evening of July 28th, in the garden of his palatial home, The Honorable Michael Misick Chief Minister of the Turks and Caicos Islands and actress/businesswoman Ms.LisaRaye McCoy became engaged. The Chief Minister got down on one kneein front of both of their families and friends including LisaRaye’s mother, Ms. Katie McCoy and proposed. Although the tropical temperatures soared above 80 degrees, LisaRaye remained cool andelegant. Beaming with pride and joy, a teary eye LisaRaye accepted the Chief Minister’s proposal. Chief Minister Misick stated: “I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with LisaRaye”.

The gorgeous couple (edit: yeah fucking right!) met at TBS Trumpet Awards in Atlanta, Georgia. Initially they corresponded by e-mail several times a day. The first date took place in Jamaica when LisaRaye had to fly to Jamaica to hostan annual festival weekend. Chief Minister Misick being determined tocourt LisaRaye flew to Jamaica from Turks and Caicos Islands to take LisaRaye and her friends out for dinner. (thanks Bulletproof Diva for the tip)

I wonder if Da Brat was there. Anyway, LisaRaye has officially become the poster female for women looking for sugardaddies for life. This ninja looks more like her Uncle Cornelius than her husband but oh well. This picture looks more like my mother and father’s 20 year anniversary picture than an engagement shot. The type that screams “yeah we’re hanging in here for the death insurance policy so one of us can be happy”.

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Superhead Strikes Again

Posted by Fresh on August 11, 2005

Superhead Strikes Again!

Supermodel Tyra Banks’ new talk show doesn’t air till September, but it’s already set off a blazing catfight. Karrine Steffans says Banks dissed her horribly when Steffans came on to talk about her memoir, “Confessions of a Video Vixen.” Steffans, who chronicles her many affairs with hip-hop and sports stars in the best seller, says Banks “insisted I wrote ‘Confessions’ because I was angry and wanted revenge. … She said, ‘These are my colleagues. They’re people I know well!’

“Despite what she thinks, she and I are not that different,” Steffans tells News contributor Jawn Murray. “I have even heard her being referred to as a ‘Hollywood Hop,’ for the many men in Hollywood who have bedded her and moved on.” Steffans says she was so mad, “all I could think about was snatching her wig off!” Banks’ manager, Benny Medina, argues, “Tyra certainly never slept around. You can count her relationships on one hand.” Medina says the clash stemmed from Steffans not wanting to discuss the passages in the book.

“She glorifies this lifestyle in the book,” he says. “But on the show, I think she is ashamed of it.” Ironically, Banks’ former flame, director John Singleton, is said to be interested in developing “Video Vixen” as a movie. Meanwhile, Steffans’ relationship with Bill Maher is proceeding nicely. “She’s funny and beautiful,” the comic told us yesterday at a lunch that HBO honcho Richard Plepler threw for him at Michaels to celebrate Maher’s book, “New Rules.” Maher isn’t worried Steffans might turn on him like former girlfriend Coco Johnsen, who filed a $9 million palimony suit (which a judge recently threw out). “People say I’m into black women,” says Maher. “Robert De Niro is into black women. I’m just into women who are real, and they happen to be black.”

Ha, Bill Maher likes seconds. But yo, what’s really good with Karrine? “My colleagues?” Thats what they’re calling hoes now? A hoe is a hoe, sorry. Don’t try to put a ‘business’ spin on it. In the words of Ludacris, you’s a hoe. Just point blank period.

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