Archive for June, 2005

Sex Tapes I Would Like To See

Posted by Fresh on June 25, 2005

Eve’s Sex Tape Has Surfaced On The Internet

Yup, you just read that headliner correctly. I’ll be the first to say that it’s not that interesting. The only reason why I initially wanted to view it for myself was to make sure that it was in fact her. Seeing is believing . . . and I believe that’s her and Stevie J gettin’ it on. Okay, maybe not having sexual intercourse since he’s just ramming that dildo into her and jerkin’ off but you get the point. My only question is why couldn’t they have found a brown one? Racism in the bedroom, damn shame. The black man’s plastic isn’t good enough? Nah, I’m just joking but damn. It’s also a lil interesting that the date on the video reads Nov. 20 1999 and her album was released Sept. 14 1999 . Way to bring in a career!

So you wanna see the vid clip for yourself? Okay you perv, here’s the link. It’s obviously NSFW (not safe for work) so don’t send me any hate mail over it. It’s also isn’t a full length freak fest so don’t break out the lotion. Enjoy!

Seems like everyone has a sex tape out now doesn’t it? Here’s a quick list of people I would like to see release one.

- Whoever Was Breaking ODB Off Back In The Day
- Bobby and Whitney
- Donnie Simpson and Sherry Carter (those two are still fresh in my mind)
- Will and Jada
- Lil Kim and Biggie circa 1993
- Mike Tyson and Robin Givens

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Video Soul

Posted by Fresh on June 25, 2005

donnie

Who recognizes this guy? Yeah its none other than the hazel eyed “pretty boy” himself Donnie Simpson. If you are old enough to remember his face then you should remember the show Video Soul as well. And yes Love I am old enough to remember the Top 20 Countdown, Midnight Love (when you could call in and dedicate videos!), Video Vibrations, and the original Teen Summit (when Ananda Lewis and Dejuore were hosting). Viewing VS was so necessary for me in those days. Of course, all good things must and do come to an end. When BET took it off the air and replaced it with a watered down version (I forget the name of the show exactly. Planet Groove I believe) I was crushed. 14 years gone, just like that.

Damn, those were the days when I was in love with music. I can remember like yesterday when my brother and I would have to sneak and watch BET and MTV because the parentals didn’t want that “filth” being played in the house. HA! We would also take cassette tapes with church sermons on them and record over it. Since we were too broke and young to actually go out and purchase music we had to swipe our songs off the radio. That’s right! I know plenty of people who used to do that. Jon can back me up on this one too, shoot.

Don’t get me wrong, I had love for MTV Jams too but that shit came on too late. Playgirl had a bedtime back then. I guess you can compare the feeling with the way most teenyboppers are about 106 and Park. Although Sherry Carter got on my last damn nerves at the time, I can stomach her more than I can Free. Hands down. Now the only time I see her ass is on commercials talking about renting movies from Blockbuster. Donnie Simpson however currently has one of the top rated morning shows in the D.C. area.

You can also check out a picture of Donnie looking a greasy, hot mess along with Robin Quivers and Howard Stern here. Heh.

Moving along, if you haven’t already viewed Dude, Where’s My Ghetto Pass or any of the other Race-O-Rama shows on VH1 you’re sleeping. These shows are hilarious and also make you do some serious thinking about race relations in this country. Also check ou thet Taste My Race feature while you’re there at the site. It’s Juvenile and some white woman cooking some beans and rice. It’s required viewing for the summer.
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The Day Has Arrived

Posted by Fresh on June 24, 2005

LILKIM

It’s sentencing day for Lil’ Kim.
[Begin Edit] Well Kimmy’s big day has been post poned according to AllHipHop.Com so all of you fans can breathe a little bit more easy. I still would like to know some early predictions however.
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How Stella Lost Her Groove

Posted by Fresh on June 23, 2005

How Stella Lost Her Groove
When and how they met: Three years ago, exactly as author Terry McMillan, 47, portrayed it in her best-seller, How Stella Got Her Groove Back. While vacationing in Jamaica, at the Grand Lido in Negril, McMillan was approached by Jonathan Plummer, 26, now a college student.”Can I join you?” he asked. “Why not?” she replied.

Two years later he proposed. The ceremony: On September 5, 1998, the two opted for a fun, no-frills sunset wedding for six on the beach at the Grand Wailea Resort Beach Hotel in Maui, Hawaii. Included in the wedding party were Terry’s son, Solomon Welch; her sister Crystal McMillan; niece Chanelle Zenno and nephew Byron Joseph. the bride wore: An Anopia off-white silk-chiffon slip dress under a simple sheer wrap. She kicked off her lavender Stephane Kelian sandals for the ceremony and pledged her love barefoot.the groom wore: Linen pants and pullover by Island Trading,! and Dries Van Noten white spectator bucks (no socks).

On Friday, June 17, 2005, a civil court judge in Martinez, CA ordered NY Times bestselling novelist, Terry McMillan, to pay her gay husband, Jonathan Plummer, spousal support and attorney’s fees effective immediately. Her romance with Jonathan, 23 years her junior, was the basis of the hit novel/movie, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back.”? Almost immediately, this has become fodder for tabloid TV with a segment appearing late Friday night on Celebrity Justice/Extra. The segment failed to mention that McMillan was ordered to pay spousal support nor did it mention Jonathan’s declaration of harassment due to sexual orientation, as the basis of his restraining order. It was a very lopsided broadcast with the focus on McMillan, as she prepares to launch her latest novel, “The Interruption of Everything.”

Jonathan has already faced tremendous backlash as a result of coming out to his famous wife, including being kicked out of his home 6 months ago with only the shirt on his back, making Friday’s “victory” truly significant. In addition to numerous gay bashing and “outing” incidents, which were the basis of his restraining order, she has threatened to publicly shame him in this country and Jamaica, his country of origin. She did not count on him: 1) being able to afford representation, 2) being articulate enough to communicate his story to an attorney, and 3) having pride in his sexual identity.
(Source: Celebrity Justice)

[Begin Edit] I would just like to take this moment out to say hello to all the people who google “Jonathan Plummer is gay“ and come here. Ha, you gossipping bitches.
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Baby baby baby . . .

Posted by Fresh on June 23, 2005

baby
First it was Apple (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow).

Then it was Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon).

Now it’s God’isslove. Thanks a lot Lil’ Mo for really giving us negros a edge on the stupid-ass-baby-name race! Click here to see a picture of the happy family. Her first born name is Heaven by the way. When she has a little boy his name is probably going to be Jesus’ismyrock or something.

R & B singer Nivea’s little girl is so cute. Awwww… but WTF is going on with Mommy and Daddy? He looks like he was the one caring around the seed while she looks like she’s about 14 years old without her weave and heavy make up. I always personally thought that she had a smile similar to the Grinch. Oh well, atleast Nivea did a little better than Lil Mo in the name department. Her little bundle of joy is named Navy Talia. Yeah, Navy.
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A Tribute To Sports

Posted by Fresh on June 22, 2005

TRIBUTE

Fresh’s Top Five Moments In Sports

5. “Choking Niggas Like I’m Sprewell” – Nature : Latrell Sprewell chokes P.J. Carlesimo during a pratice session. Black people across the nations stood to their feet and applauded.

4. “You Can Get This Lap Dance Here For Free” – N.E.R.D. : Patrick Ewing gettin’ head from two skripers (not strippers, skripers) while the club owner watched with a flashlight.

3. “Dick Hurt Like I’m Pissing Baugettes” – Fat Joe : Mike Vick aka “Ron Mexico” gives a woman the gift that is forever. And it’s not diamonds Mr. West, it’s herpes. He should be the spokesman for Valtrex.

2. “Biting On My Hoes Like Marv Albert”- Cam’Ron : Marv isn’t a criminal, he’s just a guy who likes it a little kinky.

1. “Like A Virgin” – Madonna: A.C. Green does something unheard of for anyone who’s living in this century a NBA player, he stays a virgin until he’s married. You know how much skeet that man probably had stored up for that woman?

mike

On The Media

“I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”

“It’s no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don’t do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn’t talk anymore… Unless you want to, you know.”

On Religion

“All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I’d fight him too.”

On Razor Ruddock

“You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.”

Miscellaneous Quotes

“I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage.”

“I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating.”

“I just want to conquer people and their souls.”

Also Check Out . . .

The NBA All Ugly Team. They should’ve included this year’s Pistons roster. Shizzam them niggas ugly!
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It’s A Beautiful Day

Posted by Fresh on June 21, 2005

whitney

- Don’t forget, Being Bobby Brown premieres on Bravo Thursday, June 30. Break out the tivo’s! I promise it’s going to be better than Blow Out.

- Good always prevails over evil! I was doing the Tom Cruise dance last night when The Good Guys from the Inferno II won the $150.000 jackpot. I don’t know why I got happy. It’s not like they’re breaking bread with my ass. I’m just happy that fake ass J.Ho Veronica and that cat looking bitch Racheal lost. Ha ha, go make some more over priced t shirts.

skeet skeet

- Speaking of the devil, Tom Cruise got a facial the other day.

- Ray Killens old ass is guilty. I would make further comments on the verdict but I have a feeling everyone in the blogsphere will be doing so. I’m just glad that justice was finally served after 41 damn years.

- Cassidy has been denied bail and booked for prison. He will most likely shoot a video for his next single there, become a muslim, and left weights.
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Sound Off !

Posted by Fresh on June 20, 2005

soundoff


- No Dollar Amount Required. Once A Nigga Always A Nigga.

Don’t expect Oprah Winfrey to accessorize with Hermes bags any time soon. Spies in Paris report that, in a stunning display of ignorance ? the Hermes store in (Paris) refused entry to the talk show queen. “Oprah didn’t have her hair done,” says a source. “When she tried the door, they refused her entry because they have been ‘having a problem with North Africans’ lately”

- Fuck TomKat.

I am so over Hollywood relationships right now. Every time I glimpse Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes on television I grow nauseous. It seems like their “relationship” is being forced down my throat each and every damn day. And now America’s new favorite celeb couple is engaged only after a whole two months of courtship. Aww, isn’t that a match made in publicity heaven? Lovely, good for you two but Fresh does not give a blue fuck about it. Yes I enjoy gossip and entertainment news like the next chick but damn. The buck needs to stop here already. I thought it couldn’t get any worst than Bennifer but this truly exceeds that mark.

- “I Don’t Give Two Fucks About Natalee Holloway”

This is a post of sheer fuckin’ brilliance! It stated exactly how I felt about the whole situation surrounding Natalee Holloway (missing white woman in Aruba). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that no one else should care about her just because white women go missing every other week but I’m over the whole idea. I’m over the media replaying images of white women from middle America like they’re the only people who disappear. No one dares talk about Marcie Crane, an African American mother of five kids under the age of 14 who has been missing since October 2003. Hmmm, I wonder why? Before picking up the latest issue of Essence I had no idea who this beautiful woman was myself. I guess that’s how it is supposed to be. Guess we’re just supposed to give up and sweep our missing sisters underneath the rug and pray to God that they come home. That’s the American way.

Okay, enough angry black female rants for today. Check out the new buzz on Bow Wow. What do you think about him playing the role of a bi drug dealer? Career suicide or not?
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I Used To Love H.I.M.

Posted by Fresh on June 18, 2005

- I was an avid viewer of All That when it first premiered on Nickelodeon. I remember so vividly how I would drop my jump rope and run full speed inside the house on Saturday evening to catch a glimpse of all the “straight up fo real cuties”. Especially Marques Houston aka Batman of Immature. Oh Lord, I was sooo in love with this little negro it was pathetic. I longed to “feel his funk” so badly. I didn’t care about the fact that he could wear his hair down and I was still rocking a sponge roller bang and plaits. I wanted to glide my fingertips across his baby hair. He was simply “da bomb diggity” to me. Now? Shit, you can’t pay me to look at him for more than five minutes. All of those perms and bleach job did that nigga’s hair line in as you can see.

- I had dreams of hunching a R & B nigga like Tevin Campbell when I seen that face on the cover of Word Up! magazine. I remember the episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air when he sung to Ashley on her birthday. I got all warm and tingly inside and gushed lovingly at the television screen. Then my brother broke the news that he was gay and shattered all of my fantasies. Damn damn damn James! He told me that Tevin was stripping in Atlanta. I don’t know how authentic the statement was but from the looks of things . . .

- Luke Perry was my first and only Caucasian crush until Ashton Kutcher came along in 2000 (yeah yeah, shut up). I was in third grade circa the time when Beverly Hills 90210 episodes were beginning production. It was something so sexy to me about this white boy. The ways his eyes would squint when he would talk to Brenda about giving him the coochie did it for me, even at the age of eight. That’s some pretty sick shit now that I think about it. I was eight years old – - not even ten yet – - having fantasies about him.

- When I first met my best friend Erica in the 6th grade I didn’t realize we had something in common, an undying love (lust?) for Penny Hardaway. Yes, there we sat, little pubescent girls talking about how sexy he looked. I also remember how I used to gaze at the huge poster I had of him above my bed at night wondering how it would be to touch him. Yeah I was a horny lil bastard for Penny.

Honorable Mentions

- Morris Chestnut who was extremely sexy as the lead role in The Ernest Green Story back in 1993. He made me want to be a part of the Civil Rights Movement.

- Tony Thompson aka the lead singer of Hi-Five. Remember those guys?

- Usher circa 1993 was delicious to my young eyes. I loved that song he had called “Break It Down” where he was talked about fudging.

- Another Bad Creation as a group. I hate to say it but I “loved” each of them individually in my own special way. I wanted to be Iesha at the Playground, you know? Playgrouunnnd . . .

So who did you love?
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Crunk Award Winners

Posted by Fresh on June 16, 2005

award
Crunk and Disorderly Black Tie Gala 2005

Aww man, last night at the Crunk and Disorderly Awards was soo much fun. The stars came out, we all ate fried chicken and watermelon. It was just a beautiful atmosphere. Here’s a recap of last night big winners. I can’t wait until next year!

Hip Hop Metro Sexual of the Year
Kanye West

Best Live Performance aka Rewind That Shit Son!
Destiny’s Child on 106 and Park when Michelle came tumblin’ down . . .

So, Now You Niggas Back On My Nut Sack?
Common

I.Need.Money.
Black Rob

You Niggas Ain’t Fuckin Up My Establishment
Jay-Z

If I Can Make An Album So Can You
Mannie Fresh

Seriously, I Didn’t Know Pictures Of My Pussy Would Get Plastered All Over The Internet
Vida Guerra who also walked away with Butterhead of the Year

White People Love Me
Xzibit

Kobe Bryant Rape Verse of the Year
“Listening to this song kinda make a nigga want something / Did some daydreaming / Now I’m fiending like I’m on something / Girl don’t hold it from me/ Cause right now I’ll be don strong arm it” - Lil Webbie “Give Me That”

I’m Not Like Other Female Rappers Even Though I Dyed My Hair Blonde And Lost Some Weight
Remy Ma

Down And Out
DMX

You Want To See My Kid? aka I’m A Proud Father
The Game

Thanks For Giving My Career Mouth To Mouth
Olivia to G-Unit

Ohh, Where Ya’ll Shooting The Video At? Lemme Be In It!
Jazzy Pha

So What If I Got My Ass Kicked In My Hometown Club
Pastor Troy

Not At All A Baller
Baby for bouncing checks at Jacob’s

Are Our 15 Minutes Up Yet?
Trillville

Gone In 60 Seconds
Fabolous

Betcha I’ll Wear A Rubber Next Time
P.Diddy

Please Stick To Your Day Job
Roy Jones Jr.

Since This Is My Label I Want To Be On The First Single And Also Make A Cameo In The Video
50 Cent

Angry Black Female
Foxy Brown for fighting the lil Korean people in the nail shop and then duking it out with Jacki-O

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