Archive for May, 2005

Don’t Be Cruel

In recent news members of Bobby Brown’s entourage was stabbed at Justin’s in Atlanta. Hell, I was shocked to hear that he even had a damn entourage still. No worries, Whitney’s fine. She didn’t get hit by a plate this time.

I simply cannot wait to see Bobby’s new reality show that is supposed to be hitting Bravo soon. I plan on recording every single episode of it for my personal movie / reality television collection. I can only imagine some of the segments on the show… Bobby getting hit upside of the head by Whitney as she asked “Where the receipts Bobby? Where the hell are they at?”. Bobby Brown is my hero, he’s America’s hero.

bobbybrown
Is it possible for him to have atleast one semi-cute child though? They don’t have to be the cutest kid in the world but damn. The man definitely have some ugly dominant genes no matter who he impregnates (yeah, Bobbi Christina is ugly too). Look at the little boy’s hair for Christ’s sake. Parents please, if you’re kids are total ugly and there’s no hope for their looks what so ever, atleast do their hair. I’m tired of seeing little kids walking around looking like bah bah black sheep. You don’t have to give them a new style every day but damn, put a Just For Me! kit on those naps. This is a little boy however so things would be different. Don’t have the boy looking like a Buckwheat stunt double - - cut that shit off of their head!

Rantin

I hate being new to the scene, I really do. No one knows who I am, no one knows what to make of this page…it’s really sucking right now. But I must continue on! There is a void out there for funny, African American based humor sites on the net and dammit I want to fill it. But since this is a brand, spankin new blog, I don’t feel like I should put my “best” work out here quite yet. No one is even reading this but me anyways! Okay, maybe my girl (no homo) Erica is but that’s about it. For the time being I will just hit ya’ll with some interesting links / news to keep you occupied. I am working on a couple of post that I am sure will be both very interesting and funny, so be on the lookout for that. I will not lose.

Beyonce finally fired Daddy dearest recently. According to reports, Beyonce told her Pops to “pack his bags and get on the bus” (who remembers that old DC song, eh?) after he reportedly carried on an affair with a background dancer. What in the hell was this man thinking? It’s not like Tina is walking around looking like Sam Casselle.
Everytime I see Tyra screaming at the top of voice telling that chick she “does not know where the hell she’s from”, the instrumental of T.I.’s “U Don’t Know Me” automatically begins in my head. Tyra, don’t ever do that shit again.
G Unit is now looking for P.Y.T.’s to pose for a calendar for free. “This is a great photo oppourtunity for models and a chance to introduce yourself to the rest of the nation.” Great opportunity my ass! C.T.C.! Cut the check! Damn 50 all the girls need just a lil bit, not much but a lil bit. . .
This is a big no no Ms. Osbourne.
60 Beautiful Black Women: A list compiled to give respect to 60 gorgeous women of color in Hollywood. The list had its high points, like listing sexy starlets (no homo) from the past like Dorothy Dandridge. However I think the list should’ve strictly included females that were in the game for a minimum of ONE year. This is a straight and direct diss to Brooke Valentine who somehow made it. I’m all for the video chicks coming up in the world like the next woman but Ms. Freek-a-leek is on that joint as well. Guess you can’t win em all.

No so different after all…

What does Micheal Jackson and caviar have in common?

michael

They both come on little crackers.

Have a crunk day.

Quick Fix

It’s A Damn Shame / Quick News

When I was five years old I was watching “My Little Ponytails” snacking on gummy bears. Not packing heat. But what was 15 years ago, oh how time’s have changed! I remember my Mama checked my Strawberry Shortcake bookbag for notes from the teacher, class assignments, and an occasional reptile. Gang banging in the wolf territory known as kindergarten must be hard these days. We can’t knock Lil’ Christian (also known as C-Murder) for just trying to survive. His parents should’ve seen the warning signs a long time ago when he got “Thug Life” tattooed across his stomach while he was rapping “high like space / four five on waist”. Now that’s certified gangsta!

Some people make me embarassed to say I’m from Georgia. It’s bad enough Gucci Mane’s “Icy” song gets about 3,000 spins in one hour on local radio stations and he has a video that actually is nationally syndicated. This is one hell of a publicity stunt Gucci. I know you couldn’t have possibly came up with this by yourself so I have no other choice but to assume that this is true. If it is, its a crying shame as Ma Dukes would say. In other I’m-ashamed-to-be-from-GA news, Bone Crusher’s mortgage payment must be past due. The reason I say this is because he remixed the theme song for The Real Gilligan’s Island. I’m saying though!

Like you didn’t see this coming. No one should be surprised at all that Star Wars: Episode 83 broke the single day sales record. If you are however you should be immediately taken in the middle of the street and shot at point blank range. The only Star Wars movie I have ever seen was the joint that came out in ‘99 (’98? shit, something). And the only reason why I did was it was a class trip, free class trip.
“Hello OnStar, hi, yes, my toddler son is trapped inside of my escalade. Oh, by the way, I also have 1,700 pounds of marijuana in there as well”.

Naima = Nads?

I’m so happy to report that Naima is America’s Next Top Model. Hooray! I’m so glad that that bitch Kenyah (or however the hell she spells it) didn’t win the contest. “You don’t understand because you’re not black” has got to be the dumbest statement I’ve heard come out of someone’s mouth in a very long time. I think she’s well on her way to become an Omarosa-type anyway. Besides, you don’t actually have to win the show to become a “next top model”. I’ve seen a couple of girls from last season in various print ads after the show was completed. Don’t let Tyra and her evil fivehead derail your dreams! Long live the cam hams of the world we know as models!

naima

Ma, the only problem that we have now is removing those nasty Ashanti circa 2002 sideburns. Please don’t fuck up and become the unoffical spokeswoman for Nads.

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